Editor’s Note:Since this column was written, the black bear in question has been extremely and humanely relocated. We’re a little miffed that they didn’t wait until this column was published and it is for partly that reason that we’re running it as a Northstar Journal Extra.
Hi again, folks. I’ve been working on some commentary praising President Obama on several fronts but this is the Pacific Northwest and right now what’s got my attention is this black bear living in the median of Interstate 5, that federal north-south freeway which connects Mexico to Canada, via the American West Coast.
Aware that this column reaches people who live in places where medians are like inches wide, this probably begs some explanation. This particular median is the size of a backyard in British Columbia, a small ranch in Kentucky, a national park in New Jersey, a township in Suffolk or a post-Louis XIV estate in Normandy.
Except it’s in the middle of the heavily forested Pacific Northwest, with that on either side of the freeway. It’s not like this bear escaped from the Brooklyn Zoo in a blackout or charged into Chattanooga during a particularly heavy rainstorm.
It’s also a seasonal thing. A bear matching this one’s description was observed at the same location last year this time but was some shyer because there was a lot more traffic on both sides of the median back then.
Apparently this Recession has had some impact on him and his. There’s not as much traffic so he’s showing himself more often because he feels safer. What traffic there is slows down when it sees him, making him feel even more secure. Mind you now, he’s not put one paw anywhere near the freeway or anywhere close to it. He’s just doing his bear in the wild thing.
In the median. A BIG median. In a land where eagles nest in skyscrapers, mountain lions take shortcuts through suburban backyards, along with other black bears, and where raccoons make friends with domestic cats and raid the homes of their new friends with considerably less grace and a lot more noise than human burglars.
For this black bear, it’s got to be a little different than a savagely rushing river or a canyon where the Chinooks from the Arctic roil in like the frigid wrath of Valhalla. That bear’s got to cross at least one of them too in order to get back to where it lives the rest of the year.
Like most of the true “indigenous people” of this region, this bear has this weird riff going where everything that happens is caused by a force of nature, including us. I imagine he rests some easier knowing he’s got some control over this particular crossing. If this had happened to a human being, there’d be a new religion started behind it.
The Washington State Patrol’s got the median under aerial observation and humane traps have been baited with a disgusting mixture of peanut butter, etc. that would put an epicurean on a 40-day fast and cause most teenagers to go into fits of absolute pig out.
The idea is to catch this 225 + lb. black bear in what looks like a big cat carrier, then transport it some further back into the Cascade Mountains. Yeah, that’ll work. Sorry guys, this is NOT Jellystone and this is not Yogi and Boo Boo.
Considering the human nature of the Pacific Northwest and the budgetary constraints involved, we’re either going to ignore the media coverage and do totally nothing about it or we’re going to get some of our best and brightest back in the classroom by making that bear’s behavior a major university study and applying for federal funding.
There’s also a possibility that the local communities will promote it as a tourist attraction and an equal chance that the First Nations here will adopt the bear as a cause celebre and build a gambling casino in its honor. Both also, hopefully, with federal funding but if not, probably anyway.
It’s an interesting relationship in evolution here and probably somehow appropriate that in surfing the web for some academic justification for this weird stuff you guys let me get away with week after week, I came across a quote by Charles Darwin which contends that survival is not about who is strongest or most intelligent.
It’s about who is most adaptable.
I expect “y’all” can resonate with that some now, eh? Stay the course folks, have a great weekend, and thanks again for the ear.
Warmest regards,
Rusty
2 comments:
I'm glad the bear was safely relocated, and hope it was someplace far enough away that the critter doesn't amble back. Life in the freeway median is dangerous, and usually short.
Our own authorities here in Humboldt County, California are not quite so compassionate. Black bears love to nosh on Douglas fir seedlings, the same trees the timber companies plant in clear-cuts. The big timber producers here were able to convince the fish and game people that this was a Major Problem (gotta save those forest jobs!), and got permission to kill thirty bears. We still have plenty of bears -- but I liked the woods better when we had more.
Aww, I'm glad they were able to relocate him. I hate it when such animals are seen as encroaching on human habitat and are shot. Excuse me? Who is encroaching upon whose territory?
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